Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
