remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
