you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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