The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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