so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
