Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
