I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
