Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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