Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
