So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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