dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Boobs are out for the taking
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
