someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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