the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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