dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
