New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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