You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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