i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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