Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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