he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
