The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
