went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
