I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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