i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
