They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
