Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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