go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i will never coherently bang her
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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