I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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