He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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