I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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