This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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