My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
