Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
