Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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