Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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