Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
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Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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