Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you had me at cake vodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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