the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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