i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize