All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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