I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
