you lied. pity sex is amazing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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