She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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