trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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