the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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