So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
