wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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