I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
