I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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