At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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