so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
