I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
