He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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