Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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