how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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