I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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