Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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