So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
