she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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