Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
