she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
